Your Health is Real and so is My School

I am writing today about something I feel very strongly about. A subject that occupies my thoughts and my life maybe 80% of the time. I am writing about this because I know that I am not taken seriously by most of my family and just about all of my friends and it makes me a little bit crazy.

 As anyone that knows me is aware I have a passion for health and nutrition. I haven't always been this way. I grew up on a Western diet of refined sugar and white bread like the majority of everyone in our society. I also grew up with myriad of health problems from hypothyroidism to depression, to severe GI problems, and migraines. I didn't get serious about food until recent years and I really thought my health problems had very little relation to my diet or external environment. Eventually I figured out what I put into my body that was affecting my intestines, and if I eliminated certain foods most of my health problems would diminish.

 Now I know not all health problems are caused by poor diet. Some have environmental causes and few more are genetic, but a vast majority of physical and mental health problems can be ameliorated through diet change, supplementation, environmental change and maybe some good counseling. Roll your eyes now. I know this because I am educated. I study many, many books by doctors, Naturopaths, orthopedic surgeons, and psychologists. I study books on Anatomy & Physiology, and I will very soon be learning about cellular biology and bio chemistry. I am not reading hippy dippy books by supporters of fanatical diet programs, although I have learned about most of the popular diets of today and I know the pros and cons of each.

 I am attending a legitimate and accredited school in which I will receive a diploma, not a certificate upon completion. When I graduate I will be a Registered Holistic Nutritionist and be part of the CSNN Alumni Association. R.H.N is exclusive to graduates of The Canadian School of Natural Nutrition and is the most recognized designation in the Holistic Nutrition industry. A R.H.N is not like a health coach, and is quite different from a Dietician.

 I am not trying to sell my school or bring business to it. I am writing this because I feel that I am not taken seriously and that would be frustrating for anyone. I do know what I am talking about, and if anyone studied what I study then they would know it as well. I do not believe that doctors and drugs can solve all problems. If that were so our society would not be in the health crisis that it is today. So please give me some credit people. Don't ask me what I am going to school for, then quickly change the subject when I respond. I am not a gullible extremist who believes everything I read on Facebook or sees in a documentary. I make a point of looking at and learning about both sides of such topics as Factory Farming, GMO's, vaccinations etc, and then I form an informed opinion on such topics.

 I don't judge people for choosing to eat any sort of way, and I wish not to be judged for the same. As I said before I am not fanatical or Orthorexic in the least. I eat french fries sometimes, and diet soda on very rare occasion, and I really struggle with a chocolate addiction. But I also want to live a long and healthy life and am willing to do anything to achieve that.

 Ask me questions please. Don't brush me off or roll your eyes and shake your heads, while mumbling to the person next to you that I don't know what I'm talking about, because I do! I can help you. I can tell you what vitamins you are deficient in, and how you can change your diet to include those vitamins and minerals in it. I may need to look it up, but I can help you, and I want to. I hope that as I continue in my education and when I graduate you will look to me for help in health related conditions rather then running off to the doctors to get a pill.

A Brief Explanation of Saturated Fat and What I Love About Coconut Oil

  I recently had a brief discussion with my sister in law regarding saturated fat. She asked me a question about it and I gave her a vague answer. I felt frustrated with myself for not giving her a better explanation. Problem is I don't have a great memory, and I tend to remember bits and pieces but not always details. In a way this gives me a greater opportunity to study more. ( I have read about saturated fats 3 times now). This isn't the case with everything I learn, but the topic of saturated fats involves short chains, medium chains, and long chains. In each of those chains there are multiple key saturated fatty acids and numbers of carbons. There are more carbons in the longer chains. It gets a little complicated. I am going to try to simplify this as much for my retaining benefit as for anyone else who's wanted to know the difference between types of fats. All fat is not created equal
 
  Lets just start by discussing fat. There was a time when all we looked at was calories which is how fat got it's bad rep. Fats contain more calories then any other type of food. An ounce of pure fat like say sunflower oil contains 240 calories. An ounce of pure protein or pure starch contains about 100 calories. Fat is the solution to insufficient energy, but obviously in our current day and age we have depended too much on fat based energy.

  One of the important roles of fat is in transporting the fat soluble vitamins A, D, E, and K. Fats are an important component of the cell membrane, and internal fatty tissues protect our internal organs from trauma and temperature change. fatty tissue even helps regulate body temperature. However in regards to energy storage when we store up too much fat we become obese and unhealthy. When we look at fat in regards to cell membrane component, or as a transport mechanism it is fat quality that becomes more important.
 
  To remain healthy we need short chain, medium chain, and long chain fatty acids. I'm not going to go into too much detail with these, but we need all of three lengths and we need both unsaturated and saturated fat.

  Saturated fat interacts the least with other molecules in the body and provides the most stable structure. Saturated fats stabilize cell membranes, and are not susceptible to damage because they are noninteractive. I hope this is making sense so far. Unsaturated fats are more interactive and more susceptible to damage, but also important in the body as they provide more flexibility to cell membranes. Because unsaturated fat is so delicate we have to take better care of foods containing it. Things that prevent oxidation are refrigeration, storage in airtight dark green or brown glass bottles, minimal opening, and the addition of antioxidants like vitamin E.

  Saturated fats are usually hard at room temperature. Think of butter, lard, coconut oil, animal fat. Unsaturated fats are recognized as liquids. Think of olive oil, vegetable, canola, sunflower oils. There are degrees of unsaturation however, and this is the important part. If there is one spot in the fatty acid where the hydrogen atom has been removed the unsaturated fatty acid is called monounsaturated fatty acid. If there are multiple spots where hydrogens have been removed the unsaturated fatty acid is called polyunsaturated fatty acid. All unsaturated fatty acids are either MUFAs or PUFAs. The more spots where hydrogen atoms have been removed the greater flexibility and also the greater susceptibility to damage of the fatty acid.

  The double bond spots on PFA where hydrogens have been removed act like "hot spots" on the fatty acid. They contain twice as much energy as any other spot on the molecule, and are quick to interact with other kinds of molecules (radicals). Light, heat, and oxygen cause the right kind of energy shift to trigger these hot spots. The PUFA becomes damaged and can no longer function as needed, and even becomes harmful. Think of this when storing olive oil, flax seed and other fragile oil. This is why certain oils are for cooking and certain are not. Even olive oil is fragile although it is a MUFA, so not quite as fragile as flaxseed, pumpkinseed, and hempseed oil which are PUFA. That means you should never cook with them. Got that - If an oil is PUFA it should not be heated as that damages the oil, making it's nutritional status of no value and making it carcinogenic. MUFA can be heated at a very low temperature so don't crank the heat on the stove when using olive oil. It will destroy the oil!

 Just one more thing about PUFA containing products. In the food industry to remedy the problem of shipping and storing these fragile oils they have adopted a shelf life extension process called hydrogenation. How this works is a canister of hydrogen gas is positioned below a vat of oil and the hydrogen gas is allowed to bubble up into the oil. Some of the oil will soak up the hydrogen and the UFA can be transformed into saturated ones. This produces a semi solid fat that is less likely to go rancid, like that spreadable hydrogenated margarine we have all used. This creates health risks of coarse. Hydrogenation lowers the quality of the oil by removing some of its delicate UFAs, it actually converts some of the UFA into a new form called trans fat that increases blood cholesterol, and LDL cholesterol, as well as the risk of Atherosclerosis. So avoid hydrogenated and partially hydrogenated products. They are of no good use to us.

All SFA is not created equal. Short chain SFA offers benefits not in long chain fatty acids. Butyric acid, a short chain FA constitutes about 10% to 15% of of all the fat found in butter. It has been associated with a reduction in cancer risk and in some cases a reduction of tumor advancement. So use butter not margarine!

Okay, I hope I have adequately explained the FA's a bit. There is a lot more to this subject and if you want to know the details then read Staying Healthy With Nutrition, The complete guide to diet and nutritional medicine, by Elson M. Haas. That is my source for this discussion.

       For The Love of Coconut Oil

  Coconut oil is relatively new to my life. I read a multitude of articles expanding on it's greatness after initially being introduced at the beginning of the school year. I love this amazing stuff and I am going to tell you why.

  Coconut oil contains lauric acid, capric acid, and caprylic acid. The benefit of these are hair health, skin health, healthy cholesterol levels, weight loss, increased immunity, good digestion and metabolism, relief from kidney problems, heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, dental care, bone strength and cancer to name a few. It is antimicrobial, antioxidant, antifungal, and antibacterial. Are you sold yet?

Hair health- helps in growth of hair and is effective in reducing the protein loss for damaged and undamaged hair. I use a small amount on the ends of my hair to make it shiny and soft. Don't overdo it or you may end up with greasy looking locks. Massaging coconut oil into the scalp will moisturize and rid your head of dandruff over time.

Skin care- great moisturizer for all skin types. Beneficial in getting rid of eczema and other skin problems like psoriasis. Also helps prevent premature aging due to it's antioxidant properties.

Heart disease- it contains 50% lauric acid which helps prevent various heart problems including high cholesterol and high blood pressure.

Weight loss- contains short and medium chain FA that help in taking off excessive weight. It is easy to digest, and helps functioning of the thyroid. Increases metabolism which aids in weight loss.

Digestion- helps in improving the digestive system and prevents various stomach and digestion related problems including IBS. The fats in coconut oil have anti microbial properties which helps in dealing with yeast and parasite issues. Also helps in absorption of vitamins, minerals and amino acids.

Immunity- strengthens the immune system as it contains antimicrobial lipids, lauric acid, capric acid and caprylic acid which have antifungal, antiviral, and antibacterial properties I mentioned before.

Healing and Infections- because of these same properties it forms a protective barrier when applied to a wound or infection. It speeds up the healing process by repairing damaged tissue.

Dental Care- As calcium is an important part of healthy teeth, coconut oil facilitates the absorption of calcium by the body. It stops tooth decay. I have a mixture of 2 parts coconut oil to one part baking soda I use for cleaning my teeth. I add a drop of peppermint oil to the mixture and have a fantastic toothpaste.

Coconut oil has a high melting point making it ideal for cooking. When purchasing coconut oil look for virgin unrefined coconut oil so that it still contains all of it's fabulous health properties.

I have listed just a few of the awesome benefits of including coconut oil in your life. There are many more, and if you have a use for it that you would like to share, I would love to hear about it. Now go buy some coconut oil!

 

Everybody Could Use A Little ACV In Their Lives

I always knew that apple cider vinegar was good for me, I just didn't know how great it really is. My father used to drink it every morning with a glass of water, and my mother told me that growing up she used it as a hair rinse for shiny hair. I did try this several times as a teenager, but I think I went about it the wrong way as I have a strong recollection of it running into my eyes and stinging like crazy, not to mention the overpowering smell left in my hair. Well, I have learned a bit more about the miraculous and abundant health benefits of ACV in the past six months, and I feel that if more people knew about these they would run out and buy a bottle.

  Let me first start by telling you that not all ACV is created equal. Heinz won't do the trick. It has been processed and filtered and no longer contains the healthful ingredients. You want raw, organic, unfiltered ACV that still contains the 'mother'. That is where all the vitamins, minerals and enzymes are. I have used Bragg and another brand I can't remember the name of, and they are both good. You can find it at any health food store and grocery store in the health food isle, and the best news is, it isn't expensive. The first bottle I bought (the brand I can't remember) came from Superstore and was about $6. 

  First let me tell you what is in it that makes it so wonderful:

   Potassium - necessary for growth, building muscles, heart health, prevents weak teeth, hair loss, and     

   the transmission of nerve impulses just to name a few.

   Acetic acid - slows the digestion of starch which can lower the rise of glucose.

   Malic acid - gives it the antiviral, anti fungal, and anti bacterial properties

   Pectin - regulates blood pressure and reduces bad cholesterol

   Calcium - for strong bones and teeth

   Ash - gives it's alkaline property which helps maintain ph levels for a more alkaline state. (especially

   beneficial for coffee and wine drinkers, or heavy meat eaters)

  Now, why we all could benefit from ACV:

1. Detoxification- because it is rich in minerals, vitamins, and enzymes it is great for detox. The acids in ACV bind to the toxins in our bodies and help the body to eliminate them. It stimulates circulation and aids in detoxification of the liver. Breaks down fats so our body can use them rather then store them. It also breaks up mucus throughout the body and cleans the lymph nodes for better lymph circulation. A healthy lymphatic system can remove toxins from cells in the body while improving immune response.

2. Weight loss - may aid weight loss by stabilizing blood sugar for longer periods of time, and helping to control appetite.

3. Digestion - helps with indigestion and gastrointestinal discomfort caused by certain foods, and can help with acid reflux.

4. Skin problems - ACV can be used as an astringent for acne prone skin. Taking orally should also improve skin. You can also add 1 cup of ACV and 1 cup of epsom salts to a hot bath to draw toxins out of the body and relieve joint pain. Just don't sit in the bath for too long or you will be reabsorbing the toxins.

5. Wart removal - apply to warts daily, or put ACV on a bandaid and refresh daily.

6. Keeps illness at bay - because it contains vitamins, minerals and enzymes, plus it has antimicrobial, and antiseptic properties.

7. Soft, healthy hair - The acetic acid in ACV will remove build up from styling products and conditioner, and strengthen the hair shaft. Plus it will balance the hairs ph level, kill bacteria and is a cure for dandruff. Dilute 1/3 cup ACV in 4 cups of water and pour over hair after rinsing shampoo out. Leave on for a few minutes before rinsing out. As it is acidic it is not recommended for daily use. Once a week should be sufficient. This is great for people with oily hair.

Daily drinking recommendations for detoxification, digestion and to ease joint paint and stiffness:

I drink 1 Tbls of ACV in a glass of filtered water first thing in the morning. You can start with 1-2 tsp in a glass of filtered water. It may take some time to adjust to the taste. It is okay to drink 1-2 tsp in a glass of water before a big meal as well. To get the optimal benefits of ACV it is recommended to eat a whole foods, healthy, and clean diet. You will not reap the health rewards if you continue to fill your body with refined carbs, sugar, and fat. You can also add equal amounts of raw, unpasteurized honey and ACV to warm water for joint pain relief, and because it has an overall harmonizing effect and just tastes better.

Have I sold you yet on the wonders of ACV? There is tons of positive information out there regarding ACV, if you are willing to do a bit of research. I promise I know what I am talking about as I am educated and do my research.

 As an end note I just want to add that I am attending an accredited school to become a registered holistic nutritionist. That means I will be recognized as knowing what I am talking about. Besides taking fundamental nutrition courses, I also take anatomy & physiology, chemistry & biochemistry, pathology & nutrition, Eco-nutrition, perspectives of aging, lifecycle nutrition, allergies, alternative comparative diets, fundamentals of business, cellular biology and The mind, body, spirit connection. I am to complete this program in one to two years, with an 80% average to graduate and I am tested multiple times throughout each coarse. I am also to complete 14 case studies in the process. My goal is to be a nutritional consultant but there are many other job options for someone registered in my field. I love what I am learning and I love helping people become healthier and happier. The school I attend is the only one around where a person can become a registered holistic nutritionist, however there are multiple unaccredited programs out there that a person interested in holistic health could take. I believe the school I have chosen to attend to be the most well rounded and in depth program, which also makes it really hard. 

  Anyways, next time I am going to write about the wonders of Coconut oil because I am in love with the stuff. As a precursor I will also discuss saturated fats.

  

Ode to Alberta

     I will miss your wide open skies and your amazing sunsets that I could view from my bedroom.

    I will miss your spectacular full moon. The biggest I have ever seen

I will miss your stimulating storms, ferocious winds, exhilarating thunder and lightning,
and even your terrifying but fascinating hail.

Returning from a very scary run in which I was pelted
with hail, as the thunder shook around me.
 

Rain and thunder on a run

                                             And the rainbows that come after the storms

 

I will miss the beautiful Bow River and all the parks and pathways along it, particularly Bowmont and Bowness. 

I have loved running here more then any other place I have lived. It is more hilly than any other place I have lived. I couldn't go on a run anywhere without running up at least one steep hill. The pathway system is fantastic and it's been so nice to run along the river and through the parks rather than always in neighborhoods. I have caught some of my best views and taken many pictures on my runs and gained some good leg muscle along the way.

Running through Bowmont park

I have too many pictures and not enough time to add them all. I will miss Christmas at Heritage park, iceskating outdoors on frozen ponds, and nighttime tobogganing with Christmas music in the background and the hill all lit up with lights.

Drumheller, Big Hill Spring, Elbow Falls, Johnston Canyon, Fish Creek Park, Banff, Johnsons Lake in Banff, and Lake Louise. If you live here and haven't visited some of these places make sure you do. My favorites are Drumheller and Johntson Canyon.

I love prairie drives, where all you see is canola and wheat fields and wild skies in the distance.

And the zoo. Oh, how I have loved the zoo. I cried the first time I saw the elephants there. I'm kind of a big baby like that. Those sweet tiger cubs there, and the bear at the fence, and the butterflies that land on your hands and head.

I will miss my gym. I loved the Tabata, and bootcamp, and kickboxing classes, and the great ladies that taught there.

I will miss my school here. To have great discussions with like minded people who share a passion for health and nutrition. Sometimes I think if we had never moved here I may have never started school again. In the short month and a half I've been there, my confidence has grown as has my passion. Getting educated makes me feel so happy and complete. I can't wait until I finish school and can do something that helps others.

My kids have also loved it here. They have made great friends that they are sad to leave. We love our family here and will miss them dearly. We have made some good friends here and learned that even if you have little in common with people you can still laugh together. 

So good bye beautiful Alberta. You were so much more then I ever imagined you to be. I am so grateful we have had this experience living here, as short as it was. We took every opportunity to explore and immerse and to fall in love. 

I have to write about my run this evening before the thrill of it fades. I took a heap of pictures as well and I think they will help with my story.

I tried to go for a run two days ago even though I wasn't feeling it. There are many days when I am not feeling it and I have to push myself out the door. It was one of those days, and by the time I had my knee taped up, my ipod charged, water bottles filled, heart rate monitor on, I literally stepped out the door and it started to pour. I was relieved. Today is a scheduled run day, and it's been beautiful all day, although thunder and lightening were in the forecast. Chris got home from work early and I threw my gear on, as I could see the sky starting to darken. If I could get running and be warmed up before the rain started, then it wouldn't be so bad.

I headed out the door, and got almost 2km before the rain stared to patter around me, but the drops were spread out and not very threatening. I could still see patches of blue sky and the dark clouds and heavy rain I could see falling in the distance, seemed far enough away that I didn't worry. It was quite a beautiful sky actually. I ran down Nosehill towards the bridge leading to Bowness park. Crossed the road and followed the path down and under the bridge. This is a beautiful path that runs along the river, and it is always populated by runners, cyclists, and dog walkers. The rain was picking up, and I could hear the distant thunder. It went well with my music, but I still felt good, and had warmed up enough that the rain didn't bother me. I ran over this little bridge alongside the train bridge and was amazed to see the water levels so high in what would otherwise be considered a stream.

This was the sky to my left

And this was my view to the right

Anyways, I continued on my path and crossed over a larger pedestrian trail, then followed a smaller trail into the woods where I hoped to hide from the rain. Normally I don't run through the woods by myself in the evening, but it was a relatively short trail, and I imagined jumping in the river if a bad guy or wild animal decided to attack me.

The start of the trail, blurry from the rain

ran around a fence and across these cement blocks
beside the rising river

the water levels are so high, the trail is blocked

I push the bushes aside and step carefully around the edge of the water. I think it is starting to hail, but it's not awful. I can still hear distant thunder, but I'm not worried yet, sure I can continue on my planned route. I figure this is good training for the Spartan run I hope to do in August. I come out of the woods and the rain and hail mixture picks up. I follow the path under a road bridge and briefly pause to take another picture.

The path leads around to Bowness park and I follow it up to the road. The hail is picking up and the thunder is getting closer. I decide to cut my run short and head up the steep hill home, which is still 2km away. The hail gets heavier with each step I take and I am trying to pick up my pace. I must look ridiculous to all the drivers. I don't even have a hat to protect my face. By now I am being pelted with marble sized hail, and it is coming down unbelievably heavy. I have to keep my head down, and water is pouring down my face. I can feel my feet sloshing in the puddle that has gathered in my shoes. I see my first flash of lightening and pick up my pace on the hill. The thunder is constant, and I am not having fun anymore. I want to call Chris but I can't stop to call him because the hail is coming down so heavy. There is a heavy stream running alongside the sidewalk even on the steep hill. I am drenched beyond words, and my sunburned back is stinging with each pelt of hail. They smack me in the face and hit me in the head, and there is nothing I can do about it. Imagine little pebbles pummeling down on you. That is what it was like. Then there is is this loud clap of thunder right above me and a huge flash of lightening. It startles and terrifies me. This is where I turn into a big baby. I start to whimper and I say "help" to nobody, wishing that Christopher would come find me. All I can think about is being struck by lightening, even though I know it is completely unrealistic. There is nowhere to hide and I am frightened. I decide to turn down the first street on my route and hide under a slight overhang on someone's house while I attempt to call Christopher to come rescue me, but he's not answering. Thankfully two kind men that are sitting in their car waiting for the storm to pass offer me a ride. I hop in their clean, dry, good smelling car and apologize profusely for getting it so wet inside. I must look like a drowned rat. They hand me tissue and I wipe my face and nose. We sit there for at least another five minutes waiting for the storm to calm down. I text Chris that I am okay and have been picked up.

view out the car window

The men drive me the short distance home. Maybe 1km, as the hail slows and the clouds part. The sun comes out and a rainbow is in the sky. Rainbows are a common sight here. The road and sidewalks are heaped in hail and I later hear that the flat areas of our community have flooded. Crazy, considering the worst part of the storm was probably only 20 minutes. The men drop me off, and I thank them and apologize for soaking their car about 100 times. I am so grateful for these good samaritans. I enter my house to Leif crying inconsolably, and the girls all over me. They tell me that Chris has gone out looking for me, so I text him that I am safe at home. Yay!

The hail by my gutter, post storm

post storm, smaller, and partially melted hail

This is definitely my craziest running experience ever. When I was all dried, and had peeled my wet clothes off, I noticed red marks all over my legs and arms. I don't think there'll be any bruises though. The weather here is unpredictable and erratic. By 9pm the sky was clear and there was another beautiful sunset. You would never know there had been a storm if not for the flooded roads.

happy to be home, and unbelievably drier then I was 10 minutes prior

Heavenly Laundry Soap

I just made my own laundry soap (something I've been meaning to do for months), and it was so easy. Seriously took less then 20 minutes, and it smells like heaven. Hopefully it cleans like heaven as well, but I have to let it set for 12 hours before I try it out.

 If you or someone you do laundry for has sensitive skin, this is totally worth trying, or if you like to save money, this works out to less then .5 cents a load. Following is the ingredients and instructions

You will need 1 cup of Borax and 1 cup of Arm & Hammer washing soda. Both found in laundry isle at Walmart or Superstore. You will also need a bar of sunlight soap or something called Fels-Naptha, also found in detergent isle. I didn't have either of these bar soaps so decided to do something crazy and use a bar of all natural lavender soap somebody gave me a while ago. I'm sure it will work fine. You will need the biggest pot you have or two pots. Enough to hold 2 gallons of water, and a bucket that can hold up to 5 gallons. A mop bucket works well.

1- Heat 2 gallons of water on the stove. At the same time grate your bar of soap with a cheese grater, then add it to the water.

2- Stir until the soap curls dissolve, then add one cup of Borax, and one cup of washing soda. You can also add a bit of essential oil if you want a nice smell. I added a few drops of lavender oil to go with my lavender soap.

3- Fill your big bucket with one gallon of room temp water. Then add your soapy stove mixture to the bucket and stir.

4- I added a few squirts of lavender scented castile soap to my mixture but it's not necessary.

5- Cover your bucket and let it sit for 12 hours. It will thicken to a gel like consistency. Voila! You are done. Use .5 cup per load and make many loads.

I have actually been saving my empty laundry soap bottles and poured my mixture into them before letting it sit for 12 hrs. Made more then 10 liters. That should last us awhile.

Happy washing!

I was asleep way too late, and I am awake way to early. I can't clean or pack because that would wake the house, so I will write about what is preventing me from sleep.

 I am feeling what is probably, unnecessary stress about this trip back to B.C. I fear we are unwanted and unwelcome, that all the rooms at my parents house will be full and there will be no place for us to sleep. I worry that family and friends will be too busy and disinterested to see us. What if we hate the miserable weather and don't feel home there. What if we don't want to move back. I want my parents to be happy to have us. I don't want to burden them, or cause them stress at our being there. I feel I have few years left with them and I want to build positive memories for my children and myself. I don't want to be forgotten so soon.

If we move back then I can help care for them in the upcoming years. I can clean for them, and cook, and do the things that are becoming physically hard for them. I fear that they might not want my help though. What if positive memories are forgotten and the negative moments of my youth and early adulthood are hung on to? Isn't that often how it is? The really good times are not as clear in our memories as all the difficult or unpleasant memories. I'm really not trying to be a cynic. Isn't it ridiculous that at my age and this point in my life I should be concerned about how my parents feel for me. It must be middle child syndrome. I know they love me, I just don't know if they want me living near them. There is more on this subject I wish I could say, but I really shouldn't.