Our Home

Here is a few pictures of our home. These are the rooms that are set up and worth seeing so far.

Miete and Lilli's room.

 

It is an Owl themed room, I guess.

I made this for our 'Hang Out' room. I saw it on an Urban Outfitters site, but their one was like $40, so I decided to make my own. It took me forever, but thanks to my Cricut I think it turned out better then the original.

left side of 'Hang Out' room.

right side of 'Hang Out' room. Dragon art on wall courtesy of Miete.

Kitchen. The Owl is a chalk board, other side is the art board. Note the scary pig mask.

We obviously need to rearrange our pictures and put some larger ones on that wall. 

I am having trouble uploading more pictures, so this is what you get for now. I will try to add more later.

My new favorite running spot.

I promise to keep this short and sweet. Really I just want to write about my new favorite running spot, and to post a heap of pictures of it. Last Monday I went out for a 10km run. I don't know my way around here yet, so I pick a direction and try to stick with so I don't get lost. I found a path along a tree lined road that seemed to gently slope down. I followed it for 3km, until I saw a park across the intersection. I crossed into the park and instantly fell in love. There was a paved path, that I think goes quite far in both directions, and lots of small dirt paths. The dirt paths are perfect for mountain biking and trail running. This place is called Bowmont Park and it runs all along the river.

This is the first picture I took upon entering the park

Once I started running through the park my pace decreased substantially, because I was more concerned with taking pictures. Every corner I turned the view was more spectacular than the one before. I am not a great photographer to begin with, but I only had my phone camera, so the pictures I took really do not do this place justice. I only ran 2km into the park, because I was continuing to go downhill and knew I had 5km to run back home.

If I were more eloquent with words I would happily describe the sounds I encountered on my run as well. The water babbling over the rocks, the soft whisper of the Aspen trees, the grass rustling in the breeze, and let's not forget the rattling snakes in the grass. Not rattle snakes, just noisy snakes and a lot of them. I actually went back on Saturday, and went off the paved path for a bit, but then after a snake brushed against my foot, I headed back to the pavement.

 My dear friend Colleen would love running here, and I wish she was here because it is a challenging run, and I could use her to push me along. The run back is much more difficult than the one into the park because those gentle sloping hills aren't so gentle when running up them for 5km. My legs were like jello when I arrived home yesterday, and my lower back has been hurting a great deal since. I'm sure it's just from running on an incline for such a distance. It is worth it though, and I am going to continue to run further into that park to see what more gorgeous views I can find.

 I really feel as though this pretty little place is all my own, and has been put here to rescue me, at least until it is too cold and snowy to run there anymore. 

 I took my family there today, and although it was cloudy and windy, and there were no snakes hissing in the grass they still enjoyed it. Well, the kids were a little disappointed not to see or hear any snakes. Maybe next time.

don't you just want to kiss that sweet face.

So it turns out there really are hills, trees and bodies of water in Calgary, at least in the NW.

I just want to write a quick post. I am lonely and bored lately, which is why I am blogging more. I have lots of time to think, and therefore to write.
 First off I just wanted to thank everyone for their feedback on my last entry. I loved all of your comments and helpful advice. It is comforting to know I am not completely alone in my mommy angst. Honestly there is so much more I would have liked to say, but I refrained myself. You can only be so candid on a blog that is not anonymous.
 As well, on further reflection I hope I have not offended anyone. I know I have some dear friends who have gone, and continue to go through major trials. Being a single mother must be a real challenge and I really admire those of you who do it. Your breaks really are few and far between, unless you are lucky enough to have a supportive family. Having a spouse in the military would also be a great trial, as would having a special needs child, or the loss of a child, or going through a major illness, or being single and wanting a family. To those of you who may relate to any of these categories I apologize for my insensitivity, but at the same time the heart feels how the heart feels. It is how I act on those feelings that is most important.
 I still really would like a kid free vacation. Then I would miss them, and think about them, and be happy to come home to them. For a little while anyways.
 Here's a new topic. I love my house. It is so cute and has three full levels. We have wood floors on the main level and stone floors in the kitchen. I have a good size area with a gas fire place that I am making into a school room. I have a dishwasher for the first time in my married life. A large finished basement that I throw all the kids toys, and unpacked boxes down to. I don't even care how messy it is down there, because no one will see it. I'm going to put a stationary bike and treadmill down there eventually as well. I have my own bathroom and a walk in closet. I can't wait to get decorated and settled in. The girls room is done already and it looks so cute, until you open their closet and see it loaded with boxes. They have a bit of an owl theme going on. When everything is set up I will post pics.
 Last thing I want to talk about. Christopher and recently discovered this little band, and we LOVE them.
  You have to click on the link to see. That song is so beautiful, but so are all their other songs. It doesn't hurt that the male singer is a cross between Johnny Depp and Jack White either. Anyways I am pretty sure that some of my friends will appreciate them.

this handsome face always melts my heart and makes me smile.

Mid Life Crisis, maybe

 I think I may have hit a bit of a mid life crisis, or maybe just wishing for my lost youth.
  I grew up with the idea that all I wanted was to get married and have a family. That is not all I wanted, just what I wanted most. I imagined traveling to foreign countries, before I had children, working in humanitarian aid, or volunteering in orphanages. Anything really that had to do with being somewhere far away where I could do some service and gain great life experience. It didn't happen, which of course is due to other choices I made.
 I got married when I was 24, which isn't particularly young, but I expected to have accomplished much more before then. I was so happy to have found the perfect husband in Christopher and eager to start a family with him. I really thought that being a mother would bring me such bliss. Since Chris and I got along so well and never fought, then of corse our children would be the same. We would never have to yell at them, and they would always be obedient and sweet with only small bouts of humorous mischief. They would adore us and each other, and never yell or fight. I really did think this.
 Well it hasn't been that way. In fact it's been quite the opposite. It is a daily struggle in our home. The kids fight and cry a lot. I am not remotely patient and I yell too much. My kids are not perfect either. My oldest struggles with great anxiety, and frequent emotional distress. So far both my older girls have had a hard time academically, with poor attention spans, and Lilli the inability to sit still for more than five minutes at a time. Violet, my youngest we call "Little giant" or "Violent Violet". She is ferocious and aggressive. She hits, bites, spits, and yells, and makes monstrous messes. I have little complaints about Leif, other then he whines a fair bit and can be too affectionate.
 Now all this might sound harsh, but I bet most of my parent friends do not have perfect families either. They may even have angry and negative feelings towards their children at times. I am sure I am not alone here. But truly I cannot say that I have joy in motherhood. I can almost hear the gasp. I'm just being honest. There are moments of joy, like holding a sweet, sleeping newborn, and when our children say loving things to us. When we have fun family days, spent at the beach or anywhere that we enjoy together. But those are just moments. Even "fun days" do not go complaint free.
 Maybe if I had more breaks, I would have stronger feelings of affection and warmth. Chris and I last went away alone when I was newly pregnant with Violet. That would be 3 years ago! I do get little bits of freedom. I shop alone when I can, for years I attended yoga classes to calm, and give me a peaceful escape. So much of why I enjoy long runs, is because I don't want to go home until the kids are in bed. I have been lucky to have a capable and willing husband. He never complains when I run out the door as he returns from work. Is this selfish of me? If it were the 60's it certainly would be. Christopher always says "a happy wife is a happy life."
 Lately though I have been feeling like those few hours of freedom, a few days a week is not enough. Maybe it is because I just spent a solid month alone with my children. It's knowing that if I go out with my friends, there is a babysitter waiting at my house and I can't stay out all night. I can't on a whim hop in a car and drive down to San Francisco with friends, for the weekend. I miss that so much. I miss road trips without kids,  and late nights out dancing or going to concerts. Just not worrying that I have dependents waiting at home for me. Is this what makes a mid life crisis? I really don't know and there is little I can do about it.
 I also miss having Christopher to myself. I know when the kids go to bed we can be alone, but I want more. I think back to our short courtship. Those were great times. The newness and excitement of our relationship. The butterflies I would get when we held hands and our first kisses. Even hearing his voice on the other end of the phone when he was in Utah and I in B.C, gave me such a thrill. I really miss that. I love my sweet husband so much more now, and all our joint life experiences have brought us closer together and strengthened our love. I cannot imagine a life without him, nor do I want to. But… I don't know. I just want the old days back. I want to be in my early 20's again, just for a little while. I want Christopher and I to fall in love again, and maybe have more time alone, traveling before we start having kids.
 I got pregnant the second month of marriage because I knew I wanted a bunch of kids, and I didn't want to be an old mom. Now I am doing all I can to be fit and healthy so I can be a young mom. But I am 35 and there is nothing I can do about it.
 I am going to end this entry here because there is no resolution. I can not turn back time. I just need to suck it up and get on with life, love my children and be happy with my circumstance and maybe some time I will get a little break.

heading out from my mom's place

I have a lot of wonderful friends, and I am so grateful to all those fantasti people who helped us out with this move. For all the cleaning, packing, meals, help with the kids, and the care packages we were sent off with. We feel very loved, and that makes saying goodbye that much harder.

Theo and Holden are my nephews that lived next door to us. They are Leif's best BFF's. Those are his words. When we got here, Leif and I sat and cried for awhile together. He said "I want to go home and ride my bike with my boys." He will miss them the most I think. Violet adores those boys as well.

first stop in Hope. Leif says "look at my butt."

So let me tell you a little about the journey. It was long! We were loaded with new movies, toys, books, and lots of junk food. The kids went through all the new toys before we reached Rae-Anne's place 20 minutes from my mothers. We managed to go movie free until we reached Merrit, two and half hours in. We drove from there to a town I will call "Trout Leg" (to protect it's identity) with few stops, but lots of whining and crying. By the time we arrived Rae and I were ready to leave the kids at the Travelodge and run away. We stayed the night there, and it was one of the ugliest, most depressing towns I've ever been in, and to call it shabby would be a compliment. It was like traveling back in time, sort of. We wouldn't have stopped had we been kid free. To the children it was exciting to stay in a hotel for the first time. Leif even asked if it was our new home. Yikes!

 We couldn't get out of that town fast enough. The drive from there to Golden was slightly less torturous. The scenery got more beautiful and two of the kids had short naps. We did however have to endure at least four long hours of Punky Brewster episodes. My mother bought a season of the show for the kids. "Thank-you mother." That theme song is now burned into my brain. We took many pictures on the remainder of the drive. The mountains were spectacular, and the lakes were endless. However the roads were steep and winding and I couldn't help but wonder if I will be able to make it back to B.C for christmas, as I so want to. It's what I have to look forward to. 

Our last stop on the drive before arriving at our new home was Lake Louise. I am so glad that Rae-Anne suggested that we stop there because that place was spectacular. We couldn't take enough pictures. The water was such an amazing color, and even the smell up there was wonderful. I look forward to going back there often. It would be a nice, getaway. 

I know my pictures don't do it justice. There was quite a glare on the lake from the sun, and I'm not much of a photographer. I promise, it was amazing though.
 We are at our cute little house now, and I look forward to getting settled in and decorating to make it feel more like our home. I will post pictures of it on FB when we get set up. I hope that soon this place will feel like home to me. For now though I have a great heartache, and I miss all those near and dear on the west coast.