Ode to Alberta

     I will miss your wide open skies and your amazing sunsets that I could view from my bedroom.

    I will miss your spectacular full moon. The biggest I have ever seen

I will miss your stimulating storms, ferocious winds, exhilarating thunder and lightning,
and even your terrifying but fascinating hail.

Returning from a very scary run in which I was pelted
with hail, as the thunder shook around me.
 

Rain and thunder on a run

                                             And the rainbows that come after the storms

 

I will miss the beautiful Bow River and all the parks and pathways along it, particularly Bowmont and Bowness. 

I have loved running here more then any other place I have lived. It is more hilly than any other place I have lived. I couldn't go on a run anywhere without running up at least one steep hill. The pathway system is fantastic and it's been so nice to run along the river and through the parks rather than always in neighborhoods. I have caught some of my best views and taken many pictures on my runs and gained some good leg muscle along the way.

Running through Bowmont park

I have too many pictures and not enough time to add them all. I will miss Christmas at Heritage park, iceskating outdoors on frozen ponds, and nighttime tobogganing with Christmas music in the background and the hill all lit up with lights.

Drumheller, Big Hill Spring, Elbow Falls, Johnston Canyon, Fish Creek Park, Banff, Johnsons Lake in Banff, and Lake Louise. If you live here and haven't visited some of these places make sure you do. My favorites are Drumheller and Johntson Canyon.

I love prairie drives, where all you see is canola and wheat fields and wild skies in the distance.

And the zoo. Oh, how I have loved the zoo. I cried the first time I saw the elephants there. I'm kind of a big baby like that. Those sweet tiger cubs there, and the bear at the fence, and the butterflies that land on your hands and head.

I will miss my gym. I loved the Tabata, and bootcamp, and kickboxing classes, and the great ladies that taught there.

I will miss my school here. To have great discussions with like minded people who share a passion for health and nutrition. Sometimes I think if we had never moved here I may have never started school again. In the short month and a half I've been there, my confidence has grown as has my passion. Getting educated makes me feel so happy and complete. I can't wait until I finish school and can do something that helps others.

My kids have also loved it here. They have made great friends that they are sad to leave. We love our family here and will miss them dearly. We have made some good friends here and learned that even if you have little in common with people you can still laugh together. 

So good bye beautiful Alberta. You were so much more then I ever imagined you to be. I am so grateful we have had this experience living here, as short as it was. We took every opportunity to explore and immerse and to fall in love. 

I have to write about my run this evening before the thrill of it fades. I took a heap of pictures as well and I think they will help with my story.

I tried to go for a run two days ago even though I wasn't feeling it. There are many days when I am not feeling it and I have to push myself out the door. It was one of those days, and by the time I had my knee taped up, my ipod charged, water bottles filled, heart rate monitor on, I literally stepped out the door and it started to pour. I was relieved. Today is a scheduled run day, and it's been beautiful all day, although thunder and lightening were in the forecast. Chris got home from work early and I threw my gear on, as I could see the sky starting to darken. If I could get running and be warmed up before the rain started, then it wouldn't be so bad.

I headed out the door, and got almost 2km before the rain stared to patter around me, but the drops were spread out and not very threatening. I could still see patches of blue sky and the dark clouds and heavy rain I could see falling in the distance, seemed far enough away that I didn't worry. It was quite a beautiful sky actually. I ran down Nosehill towards the bridge leading to Bowness park. Crossed the road and followed the path down and under the bridge. This is a beautiful path that runs along the river, and it is always populated by runners, cyclists, and dog walkers. The rain was picking up, and I could hear the distant thunder. It went well with my music, but I still felt good, and had warmed up enough that the rain didn't bother me. I ran over this little bridge alongside the train bridge and was amazed to see the water levels so high in what would otherwise be considered a stream.

This was the sky to my left

And this was my view to the right

Anyways, I continued on my path and crossed over a larger pedestrian trail, then followed a smaller trail into the woods where I hoped to hide from the rain. Normally I don't run through the woods by myself in the evening, but it was a relatively short trail, and I imagined jumping in the river if a bad guy or wild animal decided to attack me.

The start of the trail, blurry from the rain

ran around a fence and across these cement blocks
beside the rising river

the water levels are so high, the trail is blocked

I push the bushes aside and step carefully around the edge of the water. I think it is starting to hail, but it's not awful. I can still hear distant thunder, but I'm not worried yet, sure I can continue on my planned route. I figure this is good training for the Spartan run I hope to do in August. I come out of the woods and the rain and hail mixture picks up. I follow the path under a road bridge and briefly pause to take another picture.

The path leads around to Bowness park and I follow it up to the road. The hail is picking up and the thunder is getting closer. I decide to cut my run short and head up the steep hill home, which is still 2km away. The hail gets heavier with each step I take and I am trying to pick up my pace. I must look ridiculous to all the drivers. I don't even have a hat to protect my face. By now I am being pelted with marble sized hail, and it is coming down unbelievably heavy. I have to keep my head down, and water is pouring down my face. I can feel my feet sloshing in the puddle that has gathered in my shoes. I see my first flash of lightening and pick up my pace on the hill. The thunder is constant, and I am not having fun anymore. I want to call Chris but I can't stop to call him because the hail is coming down so heavy. There is a heavy stream running alongside the sidewalk even on the steep hill. I am drenched beyond words, and my sunburned back is stinging with each pelt of hail. They smack me in the face and hit me in the head, and there is nothing I can do about it. Imagine little pebbles pummeling down on you. That is what it was like. Then there is is this loud clap of thunder right above me and a huge flash of lightening. It startles and terrifies me. This is where I turn into a big baby. I start to whimper and I say "help" to nobody, wishing that Christopher would come find me. All I can think about is being struck by lightening, even though I know it is completely unrealistic. There is nowhere to hide and I am frightened. I decide to turn down the first street on my route and hide under a slight overhang on someone's house while I attempt to call Christopher to come rescue me, but he's not answering. Thankfully two kind men that are sitting in their car waiting for the storm to pass offer me a ride. I hop in their clean, dry, good smelling car and apologize profusely for getting it so wet inside. I must look like a drowned rat. They hand me tissue and I wipe my face and nose. We sit there for at least another five minutes waiting for the storm to calm down. I text Chris that I am okay and have been picked up.

view out the car window

The men drive me the short distance home. Maybe 1km, as the hail slows and the clouds part. The sun comes out and a rainbow is in the sky. Rainbows are a common sight here. The road and sidewalks are heaped in hail and I later hear that the flat areas of our community have flooded. Crazy, considering the worst part of the storm was probably only 20 minutes. The men drop me off, and I thank them and apologize for soaking their car about 100 times. I am so grateful for these good samaritans. I enter my house to Leif crying inconsolably, and the girls all over me. They tell me that Chris has gone out looking for me, so I text him that I am safe at home. Yay!

The hail by my gutter, post storm

post storm, smaller, and partially melted hail

This is definitely my craziest running experience ever. When I was all dried, and had peeled my wet clothes off, I noticed red marks all over my legs and arms. I don't think there'll be any bruises though. The weather here is unpredictable and erratic. By 9pm the sky was clear and there was another beautiful sunset. You would never know there had been a storm if not for the flooded roads.

happy to be home, and unbelievably drier then I was 10 minutes prior

Heavenly Laundry Soap

I just made my own laundry soap (something I've been meaning to do for months), and it was so easy. Seriously took less then 20 minutes, and it smells like heaven. Hopefully it cleans like heaven as well, but I have to let it set for 12 hours before I try it out.

 If you or someone you do laundry for has sensitive skin, this is totally worth trying, or if you like to save money, this works out to less then .5 cents a load. Following is the ingredients and instructions

You will need 1 cup of Borax and 1 cup of Arm & Hammer washing soda. Both found in laundry isle at Walmart or Superstore. You will also need a bar of sunlight soap or something called Fels-Naptha, also found in detergent isle. I didn't have either of these bar soaps so decided to do something crazy and use a bar of all natural lavender soap somebody gave me a while ago. I'm sure it will work fine. You will need the biggest pot you have or two pots. Enough to hold 2 gallons of water, and a bucket that can hold up to 5 gallons. A mop bucket works well.

1- Heat 2 gallons of water on the stove. At the same time grate your bar of soap with a cheese grater, then add it to the water.

2- Stir until the soap curls dissolve, then add one cup of Borax, and one cup of washing soda. You can also add a bit of essential oil if you want a nice smell. I added a few drops of lavender oil to go with my lavender soap.

3- Fill your big bucket with one gallon of room temp water. Then add your soapy stove mixture to the bucket and stir.

4- I added a few squirts of lavender scented castile soap to my mixture but it's not necessary.

5- Cover your bucket and let it sit for 12 hours. It will thicken to a gel like consistency. Voila! You are done. Use .5 cup per load and make many loads.

I have actually been saving my empty laundry soap bottles and poured my mixture into them before letting it sit for 12 hrs. Made more then 10 liters. That should last us awhile.

Happy washing!

I was asleep way too late, and I am awake way to early. I can't clean or pack because that would wake the house, so I will write about what is preventing me from sleep.

 I am feeling what is probably, unnecessary stress about this trip back to B.C. I fear we are unwanted and unwelcome, that all the rooms at my parents house will be full and there will be no place for us to sleep. I worry that family and friends will be too busy and disinterested to see us. What if we hate the miserable weather and don't feel home there. What if we don't want to move back. I want my parents to be happy to have us. I don't want to burden them, or cause them stress at our being there. I feel I have few years left with them and I want to build positive memories for my children and myself. I don't want to be forgotten so soon.

If we move back then I can help care for them in the upcoming years. I can clean for them, and cook, and do the things that are becoming physically hard for them. I fear that they might not want my help though. What if positive memories are forgotten and the negative moments of my youth and early adulthood are hung on to? Isn't that often how it is? The really good times are not as clear in our memories as all the difficult or unpleasant memories. I'm really not trying to be a cynic. Isn't it ridiculous that at my age and this point in my life I should be concerned about how my parents feel for me. It must be middle child syndrome. I know they love me, I just don't know if they want me living near them. There is more on this subject I wish I could say, but I really shouldn't.

The Good, The Bad and The Gluten

I've been trying to cut gluten out of my diet. I haven't been very successful with this, but I am getting better. It is definitely a gradual process. If only it didn't taste so good. I decided to look up some facts on gluten to encourage me in my quest for clean eating. Here are some things I have found:

 Gluten comes from the Latin word glue, and it is these adhesive properties that allow for bread and cakes to hold together. It is also those same properties that cause gluten to interfere with the breakdown and absorption of nutrients. Not just from the bread products we are eating with our meal, but from the whole meal.

 Wheat, even whole wheat products contain starches that spike blood sugar rapidly, and can promote diabetes as well as causing people to age faster. Gluten proteins are extremely hard to digest, and because of this the immune system triggers an attack on the small intestine. There is a long list of symptoms associated with this sensitivity and you would be surprised at some of the things on this list:

- the obvious bloating, pain, gas, constipation, or diarrhea
- aching joints
- eczema
- headaches
- fatigue
- infertility, irregular menstrual cycle, and miscarriage
- cramps, tingling and numbness
- skin rash
- depression
- reflux
- endometriosis
- weight problems

I bet the majority of people experience at least some of these problems. It is hard to eliminate gluten completely as it is in so many of our foods, including soy sauce and salad dressing and beer.

 I think we can assume that there were always these sensitivities to wheat. Our modern wheat has been genetically engineered and is not the same wheat used by people hundreds of years ago, and is a implication as a major cause in obesity. Not a huge surprise there.

 Our wheat today has more proteins that cause celiac-associated problems for people, even those who don't have celiac disease. I read that up to 40% of the population has genes that pre-dispose them to gluten sensitivity. This is my whole family I am sure.

 Another very interesting thing about wheat is that it breaks down into polypeptides that can cross the blood brain barrier and act like opiates in the brain, causing some people to have a wheat addiction. Crazy, I know but it makes sense. Even in normal people, wheat promotes an increase in gut permeability. Don't know exactly what that means, but it is bad.

 Here's something else that may make a lot of sense to people, especially those who have issues with milk sensitivity. Also common in my family. There is a possible reactivity between gluten and proteins in milk. Meaning that many gluten sensitive people would also be better off avoiding dairy. This is true in my case and my Lilli's.

 Gluten is in more then just wheat. It's in barley, rye, spelt, msg, maltodextrin, beer, hydrolyzed vegetable protein and a slew of other grains. I have read that it is a mistake to dive into the gluten free products that we find on the grocery store shelves. most contain tapioca, corn, white rice and potato starch. All of these things also spike blood sugar and contribute to obesity.

So you are thinking, what can I eat then. Eat less carbs, and use sweet potatoes, beets, carrots, turnips, quinoa, beans, and brown rice. There is also millet, amaranth, buckwheat and other grains I have never heard of.

 I don't think a person needs to be completely strict with this unless they have celiac disease, but if you want to make some small, simple changes in your diet, cut back gradually and cut out the major culprits. Stop eating bread, and pasta. Chris and I have cut wheat flour out of our diets vastly. We do eat pasta once a month maybe, and on occasion eat homemade bread, but we always feel bloated and awful after. If you were to see me after a big bowl of pasta you would think I was five months pregnant. It is amazing how much better and less gassy you will feel if you cut wheat out even for just one week. There are many different types of quinoa you can eat, and I use the same recipes with quinoa  I would for pasta and rice, even lasagna. There is a great variety of brown rice out there as well. I get an awesome wild rice mix from Costco, although it does contain barley so isn't completely gluten free.

 I have a couple recipes I have adapted to make gluten free, and they are really good and used a lot in our home. The first is for a thin crust pizza:

1.5 cups warm water, divided
1 tbls active dry yeast, although i'm not sure how necessary this is in a gluten free version
1 tsp maple syrup
2 cups oat flour. I buy my own oats and grind them in a coffee grinder. Not quick oats
1 cup buckwheat flour. I also grind my own but you can get at a health food store.
3/4 tsp of coarse salt
2tsp olive oil

1. put 1/2 cup of warm water in a glass measuring cup, add yeast and maple syrup; sit until foamy
2. Mix flours and salt until combined. Pour in yeast mixture, rest of water and oil, and mix well
3. transfer dough to floured surface and let rise for 20 minutes. It will be more sticky then regular dough which has gluten to make it elastic.
4. divide in half and flatten out onto lightly floured pans. Should make two pizza crusts. i have to admit I've used a couple tbls of rye flour to help it stck together. It is definitely more of a challenge stretching it out then regular bread dough, but be patient, it will work.

Now you can add the toppings of your choice and bake at 450 for 20 minutes or less. maybe start with a lower oven temp first, and keep your eye on it. Since we're already being healthy might as well go easy on the cheese and not undo all your hard work.

I have to go to my Tabata class now so I will save the other recipe for later.

Ever since we first moved here and I discovered the pathways that run along the river towards the city I have dreamed of running from my house to the city. I thought it was a 16km run and would obviously have to train up to it. I also had to wait for the weather to warm up. The weather has been mildish the last few months, and I've been running longer distances for awhile now, but I tend to get a pain in my left knee that starts around km 5 or 6, and just gets worse the longer the distance I run. When it gets really bad the pain shoots up and down my leg and I stop running for a few moments, try to stretch it out or rub around it, then continue on.  I limp run a bit, and just keep going but obviously my pace is affected. I keep telling myself that I should take a couple of weeks off of running, but my knee never bothers me any other time. After a long, painful run it usually takes a day for it to feel normal again, but it does, and with each run I hope things will have improved. I bought new shoes, hoping that would make a difference, but it hasn't. I assume this minor injury was caused by all the long and steep up and down hills. It is impossible to run anywhere here without running hills. These hills are way longer then any hills I ever ran in B.C and they are everywhere. A typical hill could easily be between 1 and 2km, and going down them is so hard on my knee. So that's where I think this started from. I am stressed about this as I am in the process of training for a half marathon at the end of June which will hopefully lead to a full marathon in October. The last three years as I have trained for half marathons I have developed minor injuries that hinder my progress. I have no idea how people manage to run really long distances without sustaining training injuries. How will I ever train up to a full marathon.

 Anyways, I decided to take advantage of it being a holiday today and Chris being home from work. I didn't run on Saturday as I usually do my long run then, and last week stuck to short runs on the treadmill and to and from the gym. Ideally I try to get 30km a week in, but that didn't happen as I gave myself a two day running break. Obviously not long enough.

The weather was perfect. Overcast, a slight breeze and a little muggy. I headed down from Bowmont park, with some new to me music, that helped set the perfect atmosphere. Andrew, my brother introduced me to this band called Of Monsters and Men I think, and they are amazing! Remind me a lot of Arcade Fire, so if you like the one you will the other. Anyhow, good music is always nice to have on a long run. The path was beautiful. New grass, wild flowers, Aspen trees that have finally grown leaves, and pretty little birds everywhere. I love birds. And of coarse there was the river I was following. It was perfect. Finally spring has come to Calgary.

My run would have been the perfect run to the city that I had fantasized about doing since I moved here if it hadn't been for my stinking knee. I had taken a tylenol, and rubbed Voltaren all over my knee and surrounding leg, before I headed out. It started to throb just before 6km as I thought it would and just continued on from there. I reached the 9th street bridge that leads into the city and to my train home and I was only at 11.5km. I know I could have headed up to the train and gone home at that point as my knee was throbbing and I was running like Terry Fox. No insult intended. I have a huge crush on the man, and I'm sure he ran in way more pain then I've ever been in. That's kind of what pushed me to keep going. I had planned to run at least 15km, so I turned the opposite direction from the train, and continued along the river path into the city. I had popped an ibuprofen several km back and was waiting for it to kick in, but it never did. I ran to 13km, then turned and headed back tup to the train, limping the whole way. I got there just barely short of 15km.

Now for some personalities in pictures:

Miete made a movie called Thom the Zombie and the Missing Foot.

Miete wants to be an imaginationist when she grows up. It's a job she invented in which she teaches people how to use their imaginations. She's written a page of details on this job. I think it's a perfect fit for her.

Imaginations at work. They are acting out a scene from a book

My girls have a ridiculous and sometimes embarrassing sense of fashion
Lilli is always layering miss matched patterns and colors, and Miete likes
to look like pippi longstockings or punky brewster

A winter swim in the living room. These are always Miete's idea

I can't even remember what this game was

Leif continues to love trains, clips, smoozing and
his pink blankie.

Clip trapped in a box

Violet likes drawing on herself. Usually it's a tiger or a mustache

drawing on furniture, and not wearing clothes are also favorite activities

I have so many more fantastic, and adorable personality pictures, but this is getting way too long, so I will save some for an other day. I love my creative, imaginative little children.

I don't feel like blogging very much lately. I think about things I would like to write about constantly, but don't feel like putting forth the effort. I know that very few people read my blog. Sometimes none, so I think why put forth the effort. Well, I'll put forth the effort for myself and for my posterity. Mostly I want to blog about running, and fitness, but that probably bores most people. I also have a lot of pent up, negative emotions inside me that are trying to claw their way through. It is with great effort that I suppress them. If one chooses to write about negative feelings they are generally viewed as complainers, cynics, whiners, or feeling sorry for themselves. It is not very appealing, and often thought of as trying to get attention. Well since becoming more aware of how few people view my blog, I've decided to let a bit of those negative feelings leak out.

 I am lonely, and I've always been lonely. Obviously more sometimes then others. I thought when I was younger that getting married and having children would change that. I adore Christopher and he treats me like gold. He listens, he comforts, and he tries hard to lift me up when I am down, but he doesn't always understand my insides.

 I have very few real friends. Thoughts on this are- am I too boring, not attractive, not smart, funny, clever, rich, too shy, say the wrong thing, too sarcastic, not cool, too immature, too simple. Don't judge me. These thoughts don't come from no where. They come from a life time of experiences. I will write of a few. I am a middle child in a large family. It takes effort to get noticed.

 I grew up very poor. Being poor does not get you a lot of friends. Your clothing is cheap, second hand and old. You can't afford to go on the outings with the other kids. No puffy ISPO jackets, no LA gear sneakers and certainly no cabbage patch dolls. At a young age I was told by my neighbor that her mother said I dressed like my clothes came out of a rag bag. People that are not poor tend to think people that are poor are that way because they are lazy, unless they live in a third world country. This idea is infuriating to me. As a child, and as an adult poverty will always be an embarrassment, simply because of the judgements that go with it.

 Other then the few people I hung out with in high school, no body else remembers me. Not even teachers. I had a favorite English Lit teacher, a year later she couldn't remember my name, and no she did not have Alzheimer's. Last year at a homeschool outing I ran into a girl that I had gone to 5 years of high school with. I had been in many classes with her, and even sat near her. She was very popular and not very kind. When I mentioned to her at this outing that we had attended high school together she had no idea who I was.

 My current friends and my childhood friends continue to keep me as a last resort. That means, we will visit you if we have nothing better to do, we will hang out with you in the summer only if we can fit it around all the other things we'd rather do, and people we'd rather see. Oh, you're moving, too bad we won't be around to spend time with you before you go. That is our vacation time. Oh, you're coming out in a month. I'm not sure I'll be able to spend time with you for whatever reason. Now this may sound dramatic and pathetic on my part but this is a life-time reoccurring event. I remember these things happening when I was a child, a teenager, and early adulthood. So of course my thoughts return to the above: is it because…

 I'll admit that since moving out here and getting an iphone I spend more time on FB then I should. I feel it connects me to home and the rest of the world, however it doesn't connect the rest of the world to me. I get few responses, or comments on pictures. I know this is because my life is dull. There are no vacations, or weekends away. It's me at home or at the park with my children. It goes along with my blog as well. Even those I think to be my closest friends don't read it. I could go out painted purple and I wouldn't get noticed.

 I promise I am kind. I make food for people when they are sick, I send little things in the mail to my friends, I watch other people's children, clean other people's houses, and I compliment everybody all the time, on their hair, their outfit, their yard, their cleverness, their words. I have fantastic manners as well, and I am not a slob. I am very hygienic, and I never smell bad, not even when I'm really sweaty. I smile on the outside all the time. I don't walk around complaining, like I am now. I pick up an out of my way, knocked over garbage can on a run, I clean up litter, I shovel other people's driveways, talk to elderly people everywhere I go, help an overwhelmed parent with a tantruming child in the grocery store. I do my best to put myself in other people's shoes and treat them the way that I would like to be treated.

And yet, I must be missing something.

Strawberry Limeade cake recipe

I've had a few requests for the strawberry limeade cake recipe so I'll do my best to come up with one. Probably a good idea so I have it for future use .
 I just used a box of white cake mix and added a cup of limeade instead of a cup of water. I also grated lime zest into the mix and added the called for eggs and oil. I then scooped a cup of the mix out, and added strawberry jello powder to it. Not a whole box, just enough to give it a pink color and give it a strawberry taste. I also melted some strawberry lime jelly I make and added a couple tbls of that to the pink mix, but you can leave that out. Pour your lime cake mix into a greased pan and then swirl your strawberry mix into it. Bake according to box directions.
I made a filling and then a meringue top, but you don't need to do both if you don't want to. If you are layering your cake and want a nice filling, make a cream cheese, icing sugar, butter icing. (I am assuming that anyone asking for this already can come up with a basic cream cheese icing. ) I then added some of my melted strawberry lime jelly, lime zest and several finely chopped strawberries. You can use regular strawberry jam as well. mix into filling until you have desired consistency and flavor. It is so yummy!
When your cake is out and cool, you can put a layer of this between your cake or use it as a nice icing. I made a simple meringue topping, of egg whites, sugar, and keylime flavor I picked up at Scoop n' Save last time I was in B.C.
 Scoop n' Save is an amazing baking supplies store in Langley. They have every awesome flavor you could imagine. I haven't found a similar store in Calgary yet, but I'm sure there is one somewhere.
 You could add a bit of fresh squeeze lime juice and lime zest to get a nice flavor as well. I am not including meringue directions, because I am assuming everyone knows how to make meringue. Google it of you don't. Also added a touch of green food coloring on kids request. When meringue is stiff, top it on your cooled cake and swirl with a knife to make nice peaks. I then put the whole thing back in the oven at 350 for  maybe five minutes. Keep your eye on it! Only cook it long enough to brown the top slightly.
 I just want to add that when you make a meringue topping don't do it until shortly before you serve it, because it won't look nice hours later, and don't put it in the fridge before you serve it. It will sweat and melt. Of coarse you will have to  refrigerate your leftovers, to keep it from bacteria growth.
 I was going to add a picture but it turns out I deleted it. Good luck with the recipe, it really is quite simple, although maybe not incredibly specific. If anyone has further questions you can message or email me.

Spring and Possibilities

It seems as if spring as finally arrived in Calgary. We have been teased a little over the past month with all the chinooks, but it is April now, so I am starting to feel safe. The weather is consistently warming up for longer periods of time, and I am starting to see small signs of growth: little pieces of green grass beneath all the brown, tiny buds on my lilac bushes, even the occasional lady bug or butterfly. The white jack rabbits that run rampant are starting to turn brown again, and the snow melts quickly after it falls. I can't help but feel hopeful after such a long winter.

Violet throwing rocks in the river

  I love all the sunshine we get here. The kids are outside every day now, and I also try to be. I am eager to explore and go on more hikes. We seem to find a new park or path every week now. The pathway system out here is so fantastic. We found a really great one today that ran along the river and under a train bridge and then over the river beside another train bridge. Leif was in pure heaven when two different trains crossed over opposite bridges. We were about 200 meters away from the first bridge when we heard the train start to cross. I have never seen Leif run so fast for such a distance, to get to that bridge. That boy is totally train obsessed.

I am looking forward to going for a run this week on some of these new found paths. It's supposed to be 14 degrees on Tuesday. How lovely is that?!

muddy-footed children, after tromping down by the river

 If I am feeling grumpy or irritable, getting outside in the sunshine just blows it all away, especially if I can run. Is there really anyone who doesn't enjoy getting outdoors on a beautiful day.

 So there are a few different topics I want to write about, but I don't want to make this too long and boring, so maybe I'll have to be choosy. Firstly we are hoping to move back to B.C this summer. We don't know if it will happen or not as it is contingent on Christopher getting a job in B.C. We do love Calgary and find it much more pleasant than we anticipated when we first moved here, but most of my family is in B.C. Particularly, my parents who are getting older and having health issues. I would like to spend as much time near them as I can, and would like my children too as well, so they can maintain strong memories of them. I expect and hope to be near so I can care for them in the coming years as well. Christopher has applied for a job in the federal prison system as a counselor at several different prisons in B.C. We won't hear anything until the end of April, and hopefully no later. He applies for jobs here as well, because his current job is temporary and kind of sucks.

today, down by the river

 Another reason we hope to go back to B.C is for my education. I found the Canadian School of Natural Nutrition and have fallen in love. There is a campus here, as well as in Vancouver and on the island. I went to a open house for the school a couple of months ago and it got me so excited. I feel as if this school as been created specifically for me. I love food and I love nutrition. It's perfect. It is a ten month very intensive course, and there is an evening option which is perfect for me because I can continue to homeschool my children and get my studying done in the day. They are holding a spot for me at the campus here until the end of April. I need to register then, and can transfer to whichever B.C campus if we move. Another reason I am hoping we move is because in B.C they offer full student loans for the program. Here they don't offer student loans and the grants are only for up to $1800. School with books and everything is just over $7000 and there are a multitude of different payment options. However, with our current income, none of those options are feasible. I need a miracle! If we stay here I will have to find another way, maybe a part time job.

trying to get close to one of the many natural springs

Violet is giving Leif a bite of her dirty candy that
she's been holding in her grubby fingers for the past
20 minutes.

 Going back to school is so important to my mental well being. While I love being a stay at home mom, and spending everyday, all day with my children, and having very little life outside of my home, (sarcasm) I need to feel like I have something to offer and share with others that is my own. I want to work and earn an income. I want to make friends with like minded people and most of all I want to be useful. I think of all those people, many in just my family, with health problems that I could help. Also, I need this separation, and I know there are people that think this is selfish, that think I should feel completely full and satisfied with motherhood and wifedom, but it isn't the whole story. Of course my family comes first. One reason I love this career choice is if I am a nutrition consultant, I can schedule my own hours and continue to educate my children at home, and I will be happy. My self-confidence will improve and I will have more to offer to my family's well being as well as others.

 In B.C I can put Violet into preschool, which would be very nice for everyone. I don't have that option here. The homeschooling system we worked with in B.C was preferable to the one we do here. This one is much more independent, and there are fewer opportunities for the girls to interact with other children. The program we worked with before was very community like. There were constant activities for the girls and opportunities for them to make friends and see the same kids on a regular basis. I don't even have the option here for homeschooling Leif, as there is no gov't funding for kindergarten.

muddy little feet

Well that is a brief synopsis of what is going on with us right now.

So before I get into what I want to talk about, I just want to say that my intention is never to sound like a know it all. I am not. I also don't want to sound like a braggart. I am not a super athlete. I'm actually not athletic at all. I'm just a wanna be. Don't ever ask me to play a sport. I will duck when balls fly in my direction. I barely passed P.E. in high school. I enjoy fitness simply because it makes me feel good. It gives me energy, and makes me feel strong and I hope it keeps me young. I want to share what I love in hopes that others will try and love it also.
 I am going to write about Tabata. I don't know how many people have heard of it. It is something I never heard of until November when I started doing classes at the gym. So, in Tabata you do 8 intervals of 20 second high intensity exercise, followed by 10 seconds of rest. Say you do jump squats for 20 seconds, get a 10 second rest, and repeat 8 times, then go on to the next exercise. The teachers at the gym I go to alternate between cardio, and strength training. You would think 20 seconds isn't too difficult, but by the 3rd or 4th round it gets very challenging. At the same time it is manageable to push yourself through 20 seconds. The first time I did it I was sore all over for 5 days. I walked like I had ridden a horse, and had to hold the railing coming up and down the stairs, and I was coming into this in okay shape as well. I loved the sore muscle pain. It isn't so bad now, but I frequently have sore body parts for several days after. Recently I had a teacher who talked about some movie called "The 300". I've never seen it, but she taught us some 7minute 300 routine. We did a warm up then did 25 squats, 15 push ups, 25 sit ups, 25 split lunges and 15 burpees. We had 20 seconds to complete each set, then went onto the next whether we had completed it or not. There was no 10 second brake until we finished all of it, then we continued on doing the routine for 7 minutes. At the end we should have completed 300, give or take a few. 7 minutes! That is it for such a high intensity workout. We actually did it for an hour, with several cardio breaks in between, so it was more like 900. So much fun though, and you feel so great and wobbly after. My legs shake a bit sometimes. Here is a link to the finer details of what Tabata is: http://www.tabataprotocol.com
I highly recommend it if you want to get in good shape fast, and you like to have fun and feel great.

   Tonight I actually ran the 2.5km downhill to the gym, barely got into the class on time. It fills up really fast, so unfortunately I got stuck in the front. Then I ran the 2.5km uphill and home. I need to fit running in where I can since I am in training for a couple of half marathons coming up. One is in May and one the end of June. I don't want to give up the class for running time, so I have to squeeze it in where I can. I get a short, fast run there, and a much more tired, hill run home. So grateful for the extra hour of sunshine in the evening.
 Again, if you are one of the few people who reads my blog, please don't think I am bragging. I am nothing special. My intent is to show that if a regular person like myself, who has spent most of her life an out of shape schlub can do this then anyone can. Get excited about fitness!
 I would like to know if anyone has tried this workout before and what they think of it, and I would also like to encourage everyone to try it at least once. It only takes 7 or 8 minutes and you can work up from there.

One of my favorite pictures from several years ago.

I miss that sweet little baby girl. She is still sweet
but I miss the baby.

Some days, usually sunny Saturdays, I get a particular ache deep down. I miss people, times gone past, and favorite places. I thought time would help fade those feelings, but it hasn't. Sometimes it is so bad that I feel nauseas. Silly, I know. I do enjoy many things about Calgary. This part of the province is very beautiful. I've also met some great people here, but it still does not feel like home to me. It's been six months, shouldn't I be more adjusted. It's such a feeling of displacement, and I worry that if we move back to B.C eventually,  it won't feel like home there either. How do people move all over the place. I do like change, and get bored easily, but leaving people behind is always so heartbreaking, and I hate to keep putting my children through it. I get easily attached to people and have such a hard time letting them go. This seems to be something that many people do though. Maybe it is why I had very few serious relationships before Christopher.

 One of my very dearest friends lives in Texas. I haven't seen my darling Beth for over 7 years I think. We talk on the phone every few months and send FB messages back and forth. Truthfully though, it has been terrible not being able to be there for her during the difficult times. She is a strong, brave woman who has been through a lot. Maybe one day we will be able to afford trips back and forth to see each other.

 When I think of my relationship with Beth, I think of my Nana and her cousin. My Nana had a cousin who lived in the old country, as she used to say. They wrote letters their entire lives and became very dear friends. When Nana was in her sixties she finally went to Scotland and met this cousin, and it was as if they had always been together. I love relationships like that and I think they are rare. That is how it is with Beth and myself, I think. Like Anne and Diane from Green Gables:)

 Anyway, I just had to get my little bit of heartache out. There are others that I miss terribly, and most of them know who they are. I look forward to the reunions, even if they do cause me some tears. I am an overly sensitive and incredibly emotional person. Sometimes I wish I wasn't, but that is how it is.

I want to sell you on the joys of running

I had mud splatters all up my legs that are not visible in this picture.
I just love how my children have to hop into any picture that is being taken.

I want to sell you on the joys of running. I do this every few months, usually after I have a really great run. If you happen to drive by me while I am running you will see I am smiling. Smiling because I feel strong and free. Even if I am not a fast runner, I am still a happy runner. I love the fresh air and the beautiful sunshine. I don't even mind a little rain and snow. I love the chance to see a sunset and watch the moon rise. To witness the seasons changing, and smell the wet grass, or dry leaves. Maybe this sounds cheesy, but when I run I see things I would miss if I were driving. Even in my own neighborhood I get to admire other peoples gardens and yard decor. In B.C I loved running in the late spring when all the cherry blossoms were falling. They smell like changing weather and give me a thrill for the warm season that is to come. I will miss those sweet pink and white trees this year. Their season is so short.
 Alberta has it's own beauty as well. I look forward to experiencing spring here, as the weather warms and things start to grow again, turning green for the short while before the summer heat dries everything up. I look forward to having more light in the evening to allow for longer runs. I love the Bow river and the paths that wind all along it. It makes for such a scenic, traffic free run. It is so nice to get away from cars, and intersections. I usually turn my music off when I get down to the river paths. I wish I had Colleen here to run with. I miss her most when I am running, and frequently think back to our many runs together. I get lonely on my long runs and wish I had someone to push me along, and share the experience with.
 Today my run was spectacular because it was 12 degrees out, sunny and quite windy. I got to run 2km downhill, which meant I got to run 2km back uphill coming home. I finally got to run across the little bridge and follow the path through Bowmont park. I have been wanting to run at Bowmont park since I first discovered it in the late fall. The weather hasn't been suitable to run there yet, and it turns out the conditions today were rather sloppy. With the snow melting so rapidly there were little lakes all over the place. I jumped over some and ran through many. I ran across the miniature train track when it was the only way to avoid wading past my ankles. I moved out of the way of cars passing through the park to avoid getting sprayed, and I ran through, melting, slushy snow. My feet sunk into the mud multiple times. Throughout all this I also paused to take many pictures, therefore it was not a run I would time, but it was a great run, and I want to share some of the pictures I took on my little adventure.

crossing over the bridge

the path is flooded. The whole park was like this

Few things bring me more joy then a great run. It hasn't always been this way, but as I mentioned in a previous post, I started running five years ago with the intention of learning to love it and although it took time it eventually happened. Not every run will be a great run, but as long as I do not get injured in the process I will never say "I wish I didn't go for a run today" and that should be the same for everybody.

Over the past month or so I have read several emotionally difficult books. They put me in a certain mindset, that is hard to get out of. I feel  very involved in what I read, especially if it is non fiction or historical fiction. These are my favorite types of books. I don't know why, but I really enjoy reading books about suffering, loss and hardship. Maybe "enjoy" is the wrong word. I gain knowledge and perspective from these stories. I feel it is important to know about what people go through in different cultures and times. We are very blessed to live where and when we do and we should never take that for granted. I know people who don't like to watch the news or read these types of books because they are too depressing. Maybe it makes them feel guilty. I find it very important to know about what goes on outside of our little space, and around the rest of the world.
  I am an exceptionally sensitive person. I form attachments easily and am effected by others suffering. I have a hard time reading something that involves personal misery or distress and then detaching myself from it. As a result of this, my dreams and daily thoughts are effected by what I have read and my poor husband receives less intimacy from me. It is not intentional, but how can you read about the holocaust and then go have sex. That aside, I don't read graphic violence. You can get a point across without being graphic. Several years ago I tried to read "Night" by Elie Wiesel and found it much too violent, bitter and hateful. It made me physically sick, and caused nightmares, so I put it down. Instead I read " Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. Both books are written by Holocaust survivors, but from very different perspectives. I highly recommend reading "Man's Search for Meaning."
  Several days ago I finished reading Prisoner of Tehran by Marina Nemat. It is one of the most heart wrenching books I have ever read. I really think everyone should read this book. It is so important that we know what goes on in Iran and other countries. The things that are happening in this book take place in the 80's but are still happening now. Nothing has improved over there. This is relevant to our times. When I read about people complaining about our freedoms as Canadians and Americans being taken away it really irritates me. These people need to open their eyes to the rest of the world and realize how incredibly blessed they are to live where they do. Our countries may not be perfect but they are pretty close. Please, please read Prisoner of Tehran if you haven't already and share your thoughts with me. These people really have been invisible to the rest of the world, and they deserve to be recognized.

Ride to Conquer Cancer and pretty necklaces

My dear friend Colleen is doing the Ride to Conquer Cancer at the end of June this year. It is a incredibly difficult bike ride from Vancouver B.C, or maybe Surrey to Seattle Washington. It takes two days. The funds raised for the ride go towards the Canadian Cancer Foundation, and the ride raises a lot of cancer awareness. Chris did the ride several years in a row in honor of his father William Barber who passed away from brain cancer. Anyways, Colleen is doing the ride this year on behalf of her brother in law Rueban. Here is a link to Rueban's amazing and inspiring blog.
 I would like to help my friend Colleen with her fundraising efforts because she is so dear to me and because cancer stinks. I was thinking I could make and sell stuff to raise money for her. In particular there are these really cute necklaces I make. I thought I would just put it out there and see what the interest would be.

 I call them mother necklaces but you don't have to be a mother to wear them. Miete has one. I made some for a few of my sisters and friends at Christmas. For mothers I put the same number of beads as they have children. The one on the left was for my sister Jacquie who just had her seventh. I could use any color of beads and make them with gold colored wire as well. They would make a fantastic mothers day gift. I am going to sell them for $10 a piece. So I thought I would just post this to see what the interest is. I have no problem shipping as well. Here is a link to Colleen's donation site.

And here is a picture of Colleen.

Well we are almost through week three of clean eating and it really isn't all that bad. The hardest part is cutting flour out of my diet completely. It is still there to a degree. I do however use rye flour most of the time, and grind my own flax and oats as a flour substitute. I bake almost daily for my kids so they will have healthyish, homemade snacks. I add good grains and some veggies to some of my baking, and even though I have to double every muffin recipe I never double the sugar quantity. They are starting to notice and rebel a bit. Today I added a minimal amount of sugar to peanut butter and chocolate chip muffins, that also contained wheat germ and partial rye flour. Lilli accused me of adding quinoa and gagged her muffin down through tears. It only took her an hour and a half, but, mean as I am, I made her eat it. I am sure they will adjust to the sugar cutback eventually. The most recent time I made granola I didn't add any sugar or honey, just molasses. Only Chris and I eat that though.
Another thing that Chris and I go without is salt. I use it occasionally when necessary in baking but otherwise we haven't owned a salt shaker like ever. I've found that I now notice salt heavily in everything, even cereal and boxed cookies. Now, with the clean eating, I do have little treats or it would be no fun at all. I eat a few chocolate chips or a mint truffle Hershey Kiss daily. It's a tiny bit of chocolate and I don't feel too guilty about it. What I have noticed most about eating clean is I don't get bloated nearly as much as I used to. I think that is due to cutting most of the gluten out of my diet. Last week when I ate the homemade pasta I got bloated and it made me realize how rare it happens these days. Anyone who has spent a significant amount of time with me knows I can bloat to look 4 or 5 months pregnant. I've even convinced my kids of it a time or two. As well, my crazy inflammatory bowl disease hasn't acted up in awhile. So Chris and I, but mostly I, will continue on with clean eating. Oh yeah, and several weeks ago I made a huge batch of brownies and gave them away, and only kept a little one for myself. I put it in the freezer to save as a treat, but every time I think about it I can't bring myself to eat it. I imagine all that sugar going straight to my midsection.
 So on top of trying to eat well Chris and I have been trying to exercise more. It is really hard in this cold weather, especially for Chris. It is nearly impossible for him to ride his bike to work or run outside on his lunch break. He runs up and down the stairs in his building and does weights in the evening though. I am lucky enough to have a gym membership at a gym that offers lots of fun classes. I really do mean fun in a weird sort of way. The classes are so brutally hard but I am motivated being in a room full of like minded people. I like feeling capable and strongish. I'm getting there. I have never been athletic in the slightest and always felt scrawny and wimpy growing up. I feel better about myself when I exercise. There may be things about our appearances that we could only change through plastic surgery but being physically fit is something we can all do, and it feels good too. I've never heard anyone say "Boy, I wish I didn't go to the gym and work out today." Unless they did something they shouldn't have and injured themselves. Right now I am aiming for 5 days a week of working out. I know it's not perfect but as is I feel guilty going out all those evenings and leaving Chris to deal with the kids at their crankiest. He is very supportive though and if there is an evening when I can't go out I stay home and do a bit of yoga.
  Okay, new topic. I found this blog and fell in love with it: www.thefrugalgirl.com This woman has all these wonderful, frugal living ideas that have got me so inspired. One of my new years goals was to live on a better budget, and there are some great tips on her website. I'm doing meal planning for the week, and I've set up a grocery budget of about $125 or less a week. Eating less packaged and more whole foods will help I think. I have discovered how to make my own cleaning supplies, and laundry soap. Also better for the environment. She has a recipe for homemade yogurt that I am so excited to make. Cost is about $4 for a months worth and no additives. It is a good thing that I love to make and create. It is so satisfying to be self-reliant. And I can share all these ideas in my new calling at church. I've started making bread for the kids as well. They are having to adjust to that as well, and it is definitely time consuming without a bread maker. I really hope I can stick with this. I really think it will be good for us, and anyone really.

Miete and Lilli displaying their latest artwork.

I love homeschool. I have been given a hard time about it recently. I was told that the reason my girls struggle is because I am not doing as good a job teaching them as the public school system would. They were in it, and it was worse. Also that I am coddling them and not encouraging independence. I was told that it was my lack of faith in my children that was holding them back. I felt sick and upset about this conversation. It made me feel like a bad parent who wasn't making the best possible decision for my children. Nobody knows our children like we do and I do not believe I am stifling my children. I am doing what I feel is best for my children and I am not judging anyone else for their education choices. I really believe that there are different methods for different children and if your children can excel in the public school system then that is great. I don't want to doubt myself. i don't do this because I think it is superior or fun, I do it because my kids were lost and floundering in school. I have a daughter who faked sick daily and hid in the nurses room at lunch time so she wouldn't have to play alone, and another one who spent an excessive amount of time hiding in the bathroom. This is just one of the many issues my girls had at school. I don't have time to get into it, but I am trying to comfort and reassure myself. I get easily shaken and distraught, and I dwell on things that people say. I need to forget about it and move on.
Anyways, I need to go to the gym now, so that is the end of that.


And one more, so I don't leave anyone out.